Leon's rant (that should have come a long time ago).
First, a pre-emble:
To Bear: stop posting quasi-inspirational, pseudo-philosophical songs that reek of religon! It doesn't change the fact that my funds are horrifically in the red. You are sooo going to watch brother bear as punishment...*stab
Just today, my computer playing has gone to the point where comforting strain one gets at one's eyes while playing has pogressed to a full blow migrane of rathe painful proportions. Ofcourse, it just stings alll the more since i'm supposed to have gone for scouts today, meaning that should i have followed my schedule, i woudn't be unable to sleep now, nor would my head be throbbing like something.... unpleasant. Still... the day reminded me so much about my happier times in the first three months of this year - not bathing, Knights of the old republic, some morrowind, and ofcourse shattered galaxy. And through this haze of head throbbing and button mashing, i just can't help but think about the last few months. About love, friends, hope and dreams. (O the cliche-ness of it all! Cheese)
Veritas
I honestly have no idea how things have come to the way it is now. In fact, i do'nt even have a concrete idea if "now" is a good or bad thing. When the year began, my love ended at the computer and my friends. My lust also ended at the computer (with some help with lady thumb and her four associates). Yet now, its all twisted. I look around me and see people so very much in love. Where the other cannot do any possible wrong. The odd argument or quarrel here and there only serve to higlight the deep love the two indivoiduals share and cherish. Yet, i look at myself and wonder why i feel so... odd. Is this love? On those days where we enjoy each other's company... is it because i truly enjoy it or am merely forcing myself to fit into social convention that decrees me enjoying myself. Is it not wrong to have these doubts? Why do i sometimes earn for the freedom of secondary school life? Why do i sometimes feel so smothered, yet when i think about it... am i the one somthering?
Questions and doubts... this farrago of wonky shit just plagues me, despite the worldy advice of many, that being just to give it some time . When i go to sleep, i just can't help but wonder why am i so defective. Sigh.
Friends
Guess i can't compain here. I;ve got a fan club and many friends in my new college. My old friends from cat high are still around - malay boy and co., 4-4 idiots and even gm whom i feared i had lost when he went over to australia. Just as Plato believed, friendship being the purest form of love, i treasure my friends. Yes... even you bear. (when you aren't trying to kill me that is). Still, the past months have seen me doing things which i can't believe i've done. I've broken a girl's heart, to the point where she hardly listens to her heart anymore. I've expereinced being annoyed at someone...alot. O sure he is bitchy, gay and horribly smug about things, but yet why do i find him Sooo annoying? Why am i more worried about beating him in SATs and every other exams? Why... am i insecure? Am i just stupid? Why why why?
Its a times like this, that i earn so much for innocence lost.
First, a pre-emble:
To Bear: stop posting quasi-inspirational, pseudo-philosophical songs that reek of religon! It doesn't change the fact that my funds are horrifically in the red. You are sooo going to watch brother bear as punishment...*stab
Just today, my computer playing has gone to the point where comforting strain one gets at one's eyes while playing has pogressed to a full blow migrane of rathe painful proportions. Ofcourse, it just stings alll the more since i'm supposed to have gone for scouts today, meaning that should i have followed my schedule, i woudn't be unable to sleep now, nor would my head be throbbing like something.... unpleasant. Still... the day reminded me so much about my happier times in the first three months of this year - not bathing, Knights of the old republic, some morrowind, and ofcourse shattered galaxy. And through this haze of head throbbing and button mashing, i just can't help but think about the last few months. About love, friends, hope and dreams. (O the cliche-ness of it all! Cheese)
Veritas
I honestly have no idea how things have come to the way it is now. In fact, i do'nt even have a concrete idea if "now" is a good or bad thing. When the year began, my love ended at the computer and my friends. My lust also ended at the computer (with some help with lady thumb and her four associates). Yet now, its all twisted. I look around me and see people so very much in love. Where the other cannot do any possible wrong. The odd argument or quarrel here and there only serve to higlight the deep love the two indivoiduals share and cherish. Yet, i look at myself and wonder why i feel so... odd. Is this love? On those days where we enjoy each other's company... is it because i truly enjoy it or am merely forcing myself to fit into social convention that decrees me enjoying myself. Is it not wrong to have these doubts? Why do i sometimes earn for the freedom of secondary school life? Why do i sometimes feel so smothered, yet when i think about it... am i the one somthering?
Questions and doubts... this farrago of wonky shit just plagues me, despite the worldy advice of many, that being just to give it some time . When i go to sleep, i just can't help but wonder why am i so defective. Sigh.
Friends
Guess i can't compain here. I;ve got a fan club and many friends in my new college. My old friends from cat high are still around - malay boy and co., 4-4 idiots and even gm whom i feared i had lost when he went over to australia. Just as Plato believed, friendship being the purest form of love, i treasure my friends. Yes... even you bear. (when you aren't trying to kill me that is). Still, the past months have seen me doing things which i can't believe i've done. I've broken a girl's heart, to the point where she hardly listens to her heart anymore. I've expereinced being annoyed at someone...alot. O sure he is bitchy, gay and horribly smug about things, but yet why do i find him Sooo annoying? Why am i more worried about beating him in SATs and every other exams? Why... am i insecure? Am i just stupid? Why why why?
Its a times like this, that i earn so much for innocence lost.