The process of exchange of information - Communication. It is represented in myriad ways, but perhaps, the mode we most often associate communication with is the spoken or written word. Ironically, according to some sources, less than 10% of information is actually communicated via the words in speech. The rest goes to the vocal aspects (pitch, tone etc.) and to a larger extent, the body language of the speaker.
Nevertheless, without the written word, you wouldn't be seeing this short, non-academic treatise here today. I just want to talk about interpersonal communication, and in particular, my take on it's (obvious) relevance in relationships.
With the advent of the Internet and the handphone, as well as innovations like IM clients and SMS, some boundaries have been broken, and the world has shrunk. But at the same time, people are also hiding behind veils now, and people are sacrificing the personal touch in favour of the convenience that technology has brought. At times, talking on the phone or chatting away on MSN just doesn't have the level of, for the lack of a better word, connectedness that sharing face-to-face has.
But why is this so? I mentioned that a vast majority of information was conveyed via non-verbal communication - and this is, in my opinion, the prime reason for the difference. The smallest nuances of movement (the widening of eyes, the knotting of eyebrows, for example) in reaction to what's being shared is at times more telling than whatever verbal response that can be mustered. Of course, our interpretation of such bodily movements is in itself an assumption, and that is the next point I'll be going on to.
When we see or hear things, we deduce logical conclusions based on facts - and some assumptions. The formation of these assumptions often comes from patterns that we've observed, and since we're talking about people here, it is in the behaviour of an individual. Some assumptions are safe to make, while others are poisoned. The unspoken assumptions are the ones that always bring about mayhem and confusion when they are wrong. "Some things are better left unsaid," people say. How I disagree with this. I like things crystal clear and without doubt. I'm not sure how many people are comfortable with this, because some people are just anaemic to cold, hard truths. Some also, aren't "cruel" enough to bring down such dreadful words, in case they shatter the fragile hearts of those that they care for. The chinese saying "苦口良药， 忠言逆耳" has a lot of meaning in it. Bitter pills are a must for growth, both for the individual's character and soul, and for the relationship between the two parties.
When we refuse to utter the aforementioned truths, a wall of silence is often created. However, this wall isn't very high. The lofty, less meaningful chatter often goes unimpeded, while the down-to-earth honesties are kept in. As a result, things don't seem like they're as dire as they actually are. That is, until a hurricane comes along and shears all the mist away, leaving the multiple ignored fractures obvious. It is hard to recover from such a state.
That's not to say that silence doesn't have its uses. Silence is the best remedy for anger usually. The time off allows people to reflect and rethink their likely irrational decisions.
I've always believed that communication is key for a relationship to survive. Honest communication. The kind where both parties are not afraid to speak what's on their mind, no matter the consequence. Because, if some matters are going to sunder the relationship, it must've been so serious that the other party has a right to know what's going on. "What doesn't kill you, only makes you stronger." Yet another anecdote that makes plenty of sense to me. In this context, trials by fire will only serve to test and temper a true love.
This incoherent diatribe is nothing more than personal rambling from yours truly. It's not a GP essay, and while some examples here and there would've done well to reinforce my points, I was just plain lazy =)
Nevertheless, without the written word, you wouldn't be seeing this short, non-academic treatise here today. I just want to talk about interpersonal communication, and in particular, my take on it's (obvious) relevance in relationships.
With the advent of the Internet and the handphone, as well as innovations like IM clients and SMS, some boundaries have been broken, and the world has shrunk. But at the same time, people are also hiding behind veils now, and people are sacrificing the personal touch in favour of the convenience that technology has brought. At times, talking on the phone or chatting away on MSN just doesn't have the level of, for the lack of a better word, connectedness that sharing face-to-face has.
But why is this so? I mentioned that a vast majority of information was conveyed via non-verbal communication - and this is, in my opinion, the prime reason for the difference. The smallest nuances of movement (the widening of eyes, the knotting of eyebrows, for example) in reaction to what's being shared is at times more telling than whatever verbal response that can be mustered. Of course, our interpretation of such bodily movements is in itself an assumption, and that is the next point I'll be going on to.
When we see or hear things, we deduce logical conclusions based on facts - and some assumptions. The formation of these assumptions often comes from patterns that we've observed, and since we're talking about people here, it is in the behaviour of an individual. Some assumptions are safe to make, while others are poisoned. The unspoken assumptions are the ones that always bring about mayhem and confusion when they are wrong. "Some things are better left unsaid," people say. How I disagree with this. I like things crystal clear and without doubt. I'm not sure how many people are comfortable with this, because some people are just anaemic to cold, hard truths. Some also, aren't "cruel" enough to bring down such dreadful words, in case they shatter the fragile hearts of those that they care for. The chinese saying "苦口良药， 忠言逆耳" has a lot of meaning in it. Bitter pills are a must for growth, both for the individual's character and soul, and for the relationship between the two parties.
When we refuse to utter the aforementioned truths, a wall of silence is often created. However, this wall isn't very high. The lofty, less meaningful chatter often goes unimpeded, while the down-to-earth honesties are kept in. As a result, things don't seem like they're as dire as they actually are. That is, until a hurricane comes along and shears all the mist away, leaving the multiple ignored fractures obvious. It is hard to recover from such a state.
That's not to say that silence doesn't have its uses. Silence is the best remedy for anger usually. The time off allows people to reflect and rethink their likely irrational decisions.
Quote:
Silence and Time
Silence can be a positive or negative influence in the communications process. It can provide a link between messages or sever relationships. It can create tension and uneasiness or create a peaceful situation. Silence can also be judgmental by indicating favor or disfavor - agreement or disagreement.
Silence can be a positive or negative influence in the communications process. It can provide a link between messages or sever relationships. It can create tension and uneasiness or create a peaceful situation. Silence can also be judgmental by indicating favor or disfavor - agreement or disagreement.
I've always believed that communication is key for a relationship to survive. Honest communication. The kind where both parties are not afraid to speak what's on their mind, no matter the consequence. Because, if some matters are going to sunder the relationship, it must've been so serious that the other party has a right to know what's going on. "What doesn't kill you, only makes you stronger." Yet another anecdote that makes plenty of sense to me. In this context, trials by fire will only serve to test and temper a true love.
This incoherent diatribe is nothing more than personal rambling from yours truly. It's not a GP essay, and while some examples here and there would've done well to reinforce my points, I was just plain lazy =)